


broken

by tsukishimakei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, and the bokuaka is v brief its like one line, this is mostly an insight on tsukki and his character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 12:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2548028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukishimakei/pseuds/tsukishimakei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He did love Kuroo, and that was hard because loving someone else was difficult when you didn't quite love yourself"</p>
            </blockquote>





	broken

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first fic and idk how i feel about it??also i started it at like 1am last night and its all done on my phone so im really sorry if theres any mistakes!!! this is dedicated to hum bc theyre the reason i tried this so yea thanks mate.i hope u all like it

The tall, cocky blonde with the glasses was what many people viewed him as, but no one knew just who he was.

Even after the countless nights he had spent tossing and turning in bed, asking himself how he had become the shell of a person he is now, he still didn't know and maybe he never would.

He didn't even know why he played volleyball, considering he never really cared for it. Maybe it was to spite his brother, to prove something that Tsukishima himself wasn't aware of.

Tsukishima had accepted all of this, his personality and everything about himself because he had realised one day that this was who he was and he could never completely change no matter how hard he tried.

The one thing that he could not accept however was Kuroo Tetsurou, the captain of Nekoma.

He was a mystery that Tsukishima wanted to understand, even needed. Maybe he wanted to understand Kuroo even more than he wanted to understand himself.It wasn't because of the boy's personality, his looks, skills or any of that.It was because of the stolen glances he knew Kuroo gave him, the constant bugging him over practice and many more things that Tsukishima noticed throughout the camp.

The camp, where they kissed for the first time (rushed and sloppy in the back of the locker rooms), where they first decided that maybe being more than "rivals" would be a good choice for the both of them.

All of these things bothered Tsukishima because he could not figure out why someone as put together as Kuroo could ever be interested in someone like him, someone that was a mess that desperately needed to figure out how to fix himself.

Tsukishima guessed that Kuroo had his reasons, he would never ask why though. He couldn't let Kuroo know just how he felt, he couldn't let anyone know.

He thought about it more and more as their relationship progressed, his insecurities never leaving no matter how many times Kuroo complimented him.

~

They had sex for the first time 3 months after the camp. In Kuroo's bed one night, romantic music playing in the background and candles lit around the room. Tsukishima had commented that it was ridiculous but Kuroo didn't care, all he wanted was to finally make love to his boyfriend (something he had said to Kei while taking off his clothes).

It was better than Tsukishima had thought it would be, but that didn't stop the things he felt afterwards, he wished it would.

Kuroo didn't say anything when Tsukishima excused himself to go take a shower or when he came back with red eyes and vague tear streaks on his face.

Not that he was complaining, because Tsukishima was never good at talking about his feelings.

But maybe Kuroo knew and this was why he never said anything, he was oddly perceptive of other peoples feelings (especially Tsukishima's) and Kei was glad because he didn't always have to use words with Kuroo. Looks or touches were sometimes enough to get his message across, this was something he was thankful for.

He cralwed back into bed and allowed Kuroo to pull him into his chest and wrap his arms his around him. When Kuroo mumbled a quiet "I love you" into Tsukishima's bare shoulder blades, he felt as if he was finally beginning to understand just who Kuroo was.

Tsukishima said it back ,of course. But it was with more hesitation and less softness than Kuroo's. He did love Kuroo, and that was hard because it was difficult to love someone when you didn't quite love yourself.

The months passed by even quicker after that and the third years graduation was getting even closer. New aces and captains had to be chosen but Tsukishima already knew who it was going to be, so he didn't pay attention when they were announced to everyone.

On the day he didn't get to see Kuroo but Karasuno made up for that. The day was filled with tears and promises of becoming an even stronger team, that they hoped one day to achieve.

He didn't expect Suga to say anything when he came over to offer a hug, but he did.

"Don't fall apart, Tsukishima. The team needs you more than you know"

But Suga didn't know that Tsukishima had fallen apart a long time ago, so he hugged him back awkwardly and nodded.

There was a graduation party that Saturday and Kei had considered not going but Bokuto and Kuroo insisted because "Who else would we get to annoy if you didn't go, Tsukki?"

~

That's how he ended up sitting on Bokuto's roof gazing up at the stars.It was too loud down there and Tsukishima couldn't handle the constant shouts and cheers from the others.

Silence was a friend he had come to love over time, it allowed him to think which was something he did more often than he liked to admit.

He didn't hear Kuroo come up and sit beside him but he welcomed it. The other boy took his hand and laced their fingers together, bringing the hands to rest on his lap.

"We can leave whenever you want, Tsukki. Bokuto is already passed out on Akaashi."

"No, it's alright. We can stay"

Kuroo squeezed his hand in reply and leaned back to rest against the tiles.

The silence that followed wasn't uncomfortable, but Tsukishima felt like he had to break it somehow. 

Like how he had broken himself, broken everything.

"Kei..." he paused, trying to figure out exactly what to say "I know you don't like talking about this type of stuff but I am here for you, and not just as a boyfriend but as your support"

Tsukishima sat back up to look at Kuroo, he adjusted his glasses.

"What brought this on?"

"Nothing really... it's just been something that I've wanted to say for a long time, but I could never find the right time or the right words"

"Well thank you, but I don't need it"

Kuroo sighed and squeezed his hand again. A sign that he knew Kei wasn't able to say what he really wanted to.

Maybe he never would.

A few minutes passed until Kuroo got up and kissed him on the forehead. "I'm going to check on Bokuto, you can text me if you need anything"

He slipped through the window and Kei was alone once again. Maybe Kuroo left because he knew Tsukishima needed space, he always knew what to do with Tsukishima when no one else ever did, not even his brother.

Kei thought about it more while looking up at the sky, he realised that Kuroo had a way of understanding him that was better than anyone else's.

This thought led him to one where he wasn't broken, where he was happy because he didn't have to think of a way to explain himself because Kuroo just knew.

And maybe, just maybe Kuroo would be the one that helped him become whole again.


End file.
